Thursday, May 04, 2006

Simple Minds

Still feeling it although it comes and goes. And at those times, feel like at the inner most level – I get it. Really get it. Of course I know that the mind is and will always be the master of delusion. It will always plot and ploy against the emergence of the absolute consciousness. It will try to regain lost territory at every moment, pulling me back into this master delusion, showing me glimpses and then, sometimes, full-scale onslaughts of the gorgeous glamorous pleasures of life.

Why, though? Why does it constantly want to lead me away from keeping my absolute reality in my continuous awareness? What about the mind fears the unravelling of its agenda to me so deeply? It’s like the mind fears that if that does happen it will be rendered useless in my reality, fall precipitously in my esteem. That once I realize that the complex web it constantly spins to allow me a vision, or version, of my reality – this fear and desire driven egotistical identity – is really hiding my absolute reality – this truth, knowledge and bliss driven universal consciousness – I will dump it completely and unceremoniously from my life?

How can that be though? It can never happen. Consciousness expresses itself in human form only to experience the beauty of what it has created. And mind is the apparatus that allows it to sense, intuit, think, feel, perceive and judge both introverted and extroverted ideas and ideologies.

I need my mind to help me work through the delusion that it creates for me, only to then use it to realize my infinite potential as supreme consciousness. Yeah, well, not quite there yet, but you know what I mean.

So, that’s the situation here. I need the mind to allow me to forget the picture of reality that it creates for me. I also need the mind to transcend itself and dissolve into the universal picture of absolute reality that creates it, and all its components and everything else that is composed of the five elements and beyond.

Piece of cake.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Okay…what happened? Something major did but I don’t want to make such a big deal of it. One can’t really say shift happened because then it means that it’ll happen again. To another place not necessarily better or worse, but certainly different than what it was then and is now. So, to acknowledge something major happening is also acknowledging that that happening is temporal and eventually it will be ‘not happening’.

And then how would you feel? When this feeling of euphoria and bliss that ‘happened’ due to a shift in attitude or energy or perception or direction or awareness, shifts again? This will change again won’t it? Will you then feel that you didn’t really ‘get it’ at that time, that time which is now, actually? Will you chastise yourself for ‘losing it’, or negate this experience as a temporal euphoric event that was nothing more than just an enigmatic experience in a time-space bound continuum?

Or will you acknowledge that this ‘happening’ unfolded like every other happening in Pure Awareness only to emerge, unfold, <>, submerge again? The <> was the key difference this time around though. What is this <> that, when it is present, makes every experience wonderful, magical and surreally real? This is the capacity that Consciousness is striving to find in the human spirit for the human spirit to recognize it. Or rather, recognize that it self is this Self. Always, no matter what is ‘happening’.

When I believe with not only supreme conviction and belief and faith , but also with an innate ‘knowing’ beyond intellect, instinct and intuition that I, and everything that is Not I is just this. This Consciousness, and all of us will simply emerge, unfold and submerge in it only to emerge, unfold and submerge within it again, only to….

But now…now that I put the light of awareness, the missing factor, the <>, in the experience, it suddenly is not a temporal experience anymore that is ‘happening’ to me. It is simply the ‘eternal happening’ of emergence and submergence, and resurgence and so on and so forth of aspects and flavours and concepts of Consciousness itself. Every thought, action, emotion, within, including the thought of my Identity, this I, and without are all powered, energized, created and sustained by Consciousness. Which is what they really are. Really.

And if I see it and feel it and know it in any given moment… than I must know, with my faculties of understanding, logic, memory and deduction that that is indeed true in every other given moment in every Now. Now and forever.

And it is the experience of this truth, knowledge and bliss is truly stunning.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Same Old New Thing

What to do about this feeling of sluggishness? That is the predominant feeling for me right now…like it is all there but not really worth pursuing or striving for? My head is heavy and my throat itches. Again. Like this head cold will always persist …staying on the backburner and one day – soon - when I am least prepared for it – pounce on me again.
Can I let go of the past and appreciate what I have in this lifetime? The ability to follow my heart, clear my head and search my soul? Intrepidly and honestly? Knowing that it takes more than what I am prepared to sometimes give, but that I will still try to do it anyway.

But then, what of this constant despairing and disparaging? Why does that happen almost consistently and fairly frequently? Do I really believe in the process completely or is it just a sham? Or is it a ploy to hold me away from the light for just a little bit longer?

That little bit longer in a cosmic sense might just become a lifetime long in this relative reality. So, am I accepting of that possibility? That knowing very well that I am on the right path, and knowing very well, what the right path is, I still, repeatedly shy away from it?

Take this moment. I feel so aware, almost amusingly so, of what I haven’t done. Or could not do. Or did not try. I feel the passing of these moments and I wonder why I can’t see beyond the film of judgment, perception, disillusion and delusion. But maybe I can. And maybe that is why I am sitting here and writing this. Waiting for the film to dissolve, the haze to burn, the cloud to evaporate and the heart to open.

One has to follow one’s Personal Legend