The Unbearable Lightness

There is a weightlessness to this moment – like all my baggage is missing or lost or gone. The aches and pains and staleness of the past and the worries and anxieties of the future and the naked heaviness of the present – they are all gone. This weightlessness is funny because it is in relation to nothing that I’ve known in the past. It is as if I am simply a cluster of molecules that are experiencing the flow of energy within and through them. They are propelled up and down and back and forth and they acquiesce in perfect harmony with each such movement.

Even the weight of my thoughts is missing, it seems. Those that weigh so heavily on me drowning me in their potent yearning or dread. Even those light fluffy ones that are simply wispy whims or feathery fantasies – harmless at one level but with the deadly potency of creating an all consuming mental movie if left unchecked.

And as I experience this lightness I also sense a feeling of expansiveness. An awareness that this moment engulfs me but exhumes me as well. It shines a light, bright glow on the spirit behind the shadow, the essence under the persona. And that focus is perhaps what allows me to carry on my shoulders this new load.

This load of simple awareness – one that weighs nothing but contains everything

The change that I wish

This is it then… these feelings of acceptance and happiness and longing and frustration and all the people and places and things that are the catalysts and reasons and stimulants for them.

These sudden mood swings from anxiety to serenity are quite strange. Especially since I am bringing complete awareness into them. At one moment I feel that I need all of this – this want and hope and possessiveness consumes me. And then at others it just seems pointless. That there is nothing that I should be striving for since it’s all within me anyway. And in moments like this – all this makes perfect sense.
That this conflict, this turmoil this resistance and friction and frustration is also perfect and is a mirror to show me something that I need to see within myself - of how I perceive the world around me.

As me, all of me, or as some external force challenging me all the time. When I see that all of this is me then I really can be completely immersed in it and go with the flow at every moment and that is the meaning of true and simple joy.

Don’t question anything to make it different but question it only to get clarity within my own self. You must be the change you wish to see in the world , is really the key to it all isn’t it. So then, why do I have this feeling of anxiety still?

I don’t know … I need to find out in the most sincere way possible. This lecture might be a first. Onwards and upwards then.