Tuesday, February 18, 2003


If all there is to life is witnessing the present moment, then how do we build a future? Do we stick to a process by which this moment consistently generates the next and the next the next, and so on? In that case, is it really true that the quality of this moment will govern the quality of the following moment and eventually the quality of my whole life? Well, I suppose it is true. How then to continue creating quality moments continuously, consistently and without effort? By not living in anticipation for pleasure, happiness or gratification in the following moments but creating such presence and awareness in this unfolding moment that there is no need to seek anything else. No need and no room. If this particular moment is so supremely magical and fulfilling that I am completely in wonder and amazement and joy within it then why would I possibly want to wait for another moment? That another moment will then bring its own unique joy, not a stale manifestation of a past memory or projection.
Sounds wonderful, and even doable to an extent. Unfortunately it is difficult to implement such a committed level of mindfulness through life. Why? What are the things that prevent me from staying focused in such a fashion? Well, definitely work for one. Need to focus on the future, the deliverables, the projects, what I need to say to my boss and my colleagues, what I need to project and state and create.
Relationship is another, with loved ones and family and friends and acquaintances and strangers. Each of those test my presence in the moment. Am I really there? What is my mind-set at a moment when I’m having a conversation that is either not holding my interest, is frustrating me or is pushing my buttons? What results then is that I go on a thought trip here there and everywhere, judging people, myself, being carried away with the emotion of the moment. Until I am too far gone to come back to the present. I mean I know that I am not present, in fact have known that for a while, but the unconsciousness has set in so deeply that I have no choice but to succumb to it.
It is happening now, even as I write. I have my thoughts fixed on the computer, the email that I have sent and the reply that I am hoping to receive soon. If not it will actually be a relief but it will also be a disappointment, I know that - too much has happened to revert to the past. So, yeah, no mail, no message and who cares. What is it that Osho says – that if you keep comparing yourself to others you are setting yourself up for failure – because obviously someone or the other is bound to be more handsome, more qualified, more intelligent, more charming, more athletic, more talented, more complex, more artistic, more loving, more caring, more compassionate, more logical, more rich, more successful, more powerful, more accomplished, more secure, more stable, more fun, more balanced than you. But then they will not be all of the things that I am, and therefore I am who I am. I was placed on this earth to be who I am to the best of my ability, not to be somebody else! Jeez, why is that such a hard concept to grasp? Let's see then. What is it that you will want to be doing that has not already been done before? Why would you want to do that – it will simply add to your egotistical ideas of grandeur and if anything will affect your mindset even further.
No, that was not the point that I wanted to make here – all I am saying is this – that I need to rest assured in the knowledge that I am my unique self and whomever is that higher power chose to make me the way that I am. All I need to do in my life is recognize that that is indeed who I am and then feel joyful and accepting and loving to myself. Then and only then can I project this happiness on to others. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nothing to become. Just to be and witness and stay conscious. And when I do that, indeed the world turns magical and glorious. I can see the sunrise and sunsets and they feel true and glorious and brilliant. Like they were all created especially for my pleasure as they very well have. And in that moment I am indeed the center of the universe in a completely non-egotistical way.
I am the world and the world is within me.
Live it. Love it. Cherish it.

So, despite all the ‘goodness’ how does one make sense of all of this? How is it that I can be a part of it – living life as fully as I possibly can and still feel ‘stuck in it’? Like there is an emotional swamp I can’t seem to escape out of? I find myself wishing for things that will probably never happen and are probably not happening for a good reason. But still, I insist on focusing on them, perceived slights, avoidances and the inevitable feelings of jealousy and being misunderstood. How do I make sense out of all of this then? How do people feel when they have lose someone from their lives without finding any closure?

Perfect Zero

There is this hunger within for perfection – to want to scale the highest peaks and dive into the deepest oceans in the quest for truth. There is this abundance of psychic energy that simply flows from every cell of my being leaving me with no choice but to give in to its force and accept that a mighty and forceful change is about to unfold in my life. A change from which there can be no turning back to the way things were. What would this life transformation look like? How would it manifest itself in my daily activities and behaviors? Will I look, feel, act and react in a radically different fashion because of this change or will it be a subtle evolution, empowering me with more stability rather than dynamic volatility? And what will be the motivation for this change? What is it right now? Is it not at this point the egoist need to make a difference? To be seen and heard and acknowledged as being unique, different, influential, attractive and ‘enlightened’? Will this temporary gratification whereby I see the changes in myself through the reactions of others to them be sufficient to guide me further ahead into the next realm of integral transformation? That state where my emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual being settles into a higher plane regardless of the effects and conditions in the external environment? Where nothing really affects this sense of being or rather nothing shakes the conviction of truth that is rightfully my very nature?

So, what will this state of being look like externally for the individual I, still living in this body and possessing this soul? How will I be? What will be the guiding factors that will show me that indeed transformation is afoot and consistently rising? Well, lets see, some of the characteristics of such a change would be:

- Calmness: Everything that is happening is happening for a reason and that there is nothing that can make this moment any better
- Serenity: That which is within is in complete harmony with that which is without
- Dynamism: Each moment is lived to its fullest potential
- Steadfastness: No temporal condition can change this deep rooted sense of pure consciousness
- Peace: Settling into my pure Self
- Energy: My most basic state
- Flow: Complete immersion into each activity at every moment
- Compassion: The deeper understanding of unity consciousness
- Beauty: Physical fitness, good health, mental equanimity, emotional well being, intellectual acumen and spiritual transformation
- Honesty: I am not who I think I am
- Witnessing presence: It Is
- Awareness: Unfiltered experiencing
- Humor: The only logical interpretation of this grand illusion of life
- Gratitude: For being the aperture from which the universe sees itself
- Joy: Being alive and fearless
- Integrity: Unshakeable conviction in Truth
- Wisdom: A process to filter illusion from reality
- Sincerity: Relating without ego
- Bliss: A feeling of inevitable perfection of this moment.