Monday, July 24, 2006

SOFA: Sit on It

This cannot be comprehended at one level and is so obvious at another. The guilt that I feel for not crawling my way up that corporate ladder is balanced with the peace that I feel from this stress free existence. This worrying thought of not being productive enough is countered by the happy thought of appreciating the simplicity of life. The stress of not getting things when I want them or how I want them is nullified by the bliss that I feel in being in this encapsulated state of awareness. For this awareness is what I have been striving for all my life. I realize how important my living and home environment has been in allowing me to feel this awareness. San Francisco living with its beauty and ease and non-judgment does allow for cultivation of a mindset of being chill and relaxed. Of course, it can be taken to one extreme of the spectrum where – since everything is so easy – there is less motivation to strive and improve and seek in ones life. And that is when one sees oneself getting in a rut.

Like I do at times. When the stimulation during the day are confined to gym, dinner, cafes, runs and searching for random thrills. When one feels a lack of cultural and intellectual and creative stimulation. Where the predictability of daily life creates a yawning chasm between life and the ‘me’ that is experiencing the life. What can I say and do or not say or not do to remove this feeling of ‘lack’ or ‘resentment’ or being ‘fed-up’? For there is no doing or getting or becoming that can ever satisfy my ego – it will immediately latch on to another set of tasks that need to be done or things that need to be acquired or roles one needs to become to really be successful. But the accomplishments do little to remove the deeper sense of discontent. This vague but persistent feeling that only when I reach the zenith of my life, having fulfilled all my human potential, will the striving and seeking stop.

But what is this highest striving and seeking? Really? To love, to trust, to be fearless, to be open to life and to be true to ones heart? Simple words I know and often misused and often bastardized and trivialized but aren’t those the values that will set one free? Really free? And not just once and not just for a few moments but really for eternity? Where ones heart is full of love and gratitude, and ones body is full of energy and good health, and ones mind is active and naturally stimulated, and ones spirit is simply free.

And that is the perhaps the ultimate goal of human strife and seeking: Strong Body, Open Heart, Free Spirit, Active Mind.

S.O.F.A. Sit on It.