Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The change that I wish

This is it then… these feelings of acceptance and happiness and longing and frustration and all the people and places and things that are the catalysts and reasons and stimulants for them.

These sudden mood swings from anxiety to serenity are quite strange. Especially since I am bringing complete awareness into them. At one moment I feel that I need all of this – this want and hope and possessiveness consumes me. And then at others it just seems pointless. That there is nothing that I should be striving for since it’s all within me anyway. And in moments like this – all this makes perfect sense.
That this conflict, this turmoil this resistance and friction and frustration is also perfect and is a mirror to show me something that I need to see within myself - of how I perceive the world around me.

As me, all of me, or as some external force challenging me all the time. When I see that all of this is me then I really can be completely immersed in it and go with the flow at every moment and that is the meaning of true and simple joy.

Don’t question anything to make it different but question it only to get clarity within my own self. You must be the change you wish to see in the world , is really the key to it all isn’t it. So then, why do I have this feeling of anxiety still?

I don’t know … I need to find out in the most sincere way possible. This lecture might be a first. Onwards and upwards then.