Friday, July 07, 2006

Was, Not Was

And so what is not authentic can never really remain. And that is perhaps what happened with the previous post. I was writing perhaps for the sake of convincing myself – that I strongly believe in something - when every action of mine was defying this belief.

And then, I deleted it without thinking.

Without thinking. This episode that happened today that made me behave so unconsciously and made me pay the price for that behaviour almost immediately. That which left me feeling violated, victimized, exploited and cheated. In so many ways but that which also showed me the way out of this self-defeating behaviour. That there was no more choice left in this matter but to accept the inevitable. That I am getting ready to shed even this. And that now there are no more excuses left. That this authenticity that I am seeking has to be first to myself through my actions and thoughts and emotions. That nothing is being done against me…that those are just projections of what is happening to others in their reality at that moment.

My absolute reality is this and there is no more need to seek relative realities any more. For they will never satisfy the never-ending needs of the ego. And so they must be relinquished for the greater truth in the greater scheme of this existence.

So much for that. So much for the self-flagellations and the self-congratulations.

Life unfolds in every given moment exactly as it should. These losses of physical and intellectual possessions is showing me that whatever was, and now is not, has been consumed somewhere else. And, whatever was not, will never be.

And whatever is, is the truth. My truth. Anyway and everyway.