Sunday, May 22, 2005

Still Me

How do I feel about Unity Consciousness at this point? Pretty bleakly I have to say…Nothing really seems to make much sense. There is nobody in the universe that I can really turn towards at this time to make them really understand what is going on with me. I feel bored, stressed, exploited, misunderstood and rejected.

What else can I really do or say that will make this any better, easier or happier as time goes by?
Well, you know what you have to do. Go back to that place that you had found before – that place of "No Me". What are the constituents of Me?

1. Perceiver (memories, fantasies, perception)
2. Feeler (emotions)
3. Analyzer (controller, judge, decision maker, protector, schemer, solver, rationalizer)
4. Actor (doer)
5. Observer (witness, seer)

And all of these thoughts, emotions, decisions, observations and actions based on events, memories, fantasies make me feel like a complete person – one who has built an identity of Me. This Me, then, has a solidity that makes it resist everything that challenges the concept of Me – this mad mixed bag of thoughts and actions.

But then one day I wake up and sense a stillness that sees this Me for what it really is – a fake self that has no basis in Reality, absolutely no identity unless I allow it to be created from this bag – I let it then dominate every aspect of this living experience.
And the underlying force that lets this me be Me – alive and awake and aware? This prana that really is the basis of all of this happening. That prana I can then observe as soon as I let this Me dissolve into the oblivion that it so richly deserves to be part of? What then? Where then will I be?

Who will be left in this wide expanse of a life? What will be the sense of identity? Will it jump from Perceiver to Feeler to Analyzer to Actor to Observer with no anchor in an Ego? Or will it remain as the life force – recognizing that all of these are simply aspects of it – when fueled by its force and charged into performing this karmic opera for this particular individual interpretation or expression of the larger cosmic universe – more commonly known as – Me?