Monday, May 16, 2005

May 3rd

And so it goes and so it goes – it all moves about in circles and there are then days like these where you think what and how could possibly add any excitement to your life? How many cool cities and chic restaurants and hip bars and beautiful people can you hang out with to feel that you are living a fun, rich, exciting life. And what would that feeling bring for you anyway, in the long run & the grand scheme? What could possibly add to or create happiness and joy again?
And then you look back to your thoughts and goals and ‘thresholds’ built for and around happiness. And you know for sure that there must be something bigger and stronger and brighter and truer than this. That which will make you feel that this has indeed been a journey worth embarking upon. Will it happen today or tomorrow or even next year? Will it happen alone or with somebody real and special or within a group or community? How will you feel when this journey is embarked upon? Where will you be when all this comes about? What will you do?
And now, here? How does one rekindle the spark? What does one say or do that will make an ordinary situation come alive with magic and excitement without external stimuli and substances? What is the one self sustaining trait that one might have that will be true, tested and always mine to hold and to have? Where is that happiness created, sustained and cultivated? If it is from within, why then, can I not feel it on a constant and consistent basis? Why do I need to find it from you, outside, externally and foreign from me? Why is happiness not mine already?

May 7th

A deadly game is being played here – between two very strong adversaries – the persona and shadow in the Psyche, the ego and body within the Centaur and the microcosm and macrocosm within the Spirit. I don’t, I can’t see this with clarity, but I feel it with a conviction that is beyond word and thought. That, true happiness can only come about in the complete merging within all of these domains – a fusion and unification that is the yearning of every spirit – attainment of the universal aspiration.
Ultimate happiness is possible only then.