Saturday, July 17, 2004

Day after Day 
 
Beginning the day with a certain intention in ones heart is the key to shaping of events and experiences in it. I can wake up groggy and bleary eyed, perhaps from the aftermath of a stressful work day, a particularly reckless binge, a dark nightmare or just plain old can’t-be-explained negative energy. I can stare at the ceiling from my bed, sullen and resentful at what is transpiring within me, and with those filters on; nothing looks inviting. The unmade bed, the clothes thrown around the room, the papers spilling off the office table and the spinning between my ears announce the advent of a hellish day ahead. I can look out the window and see the familiar summer fog descending into the city, burying it in this bubble of gloom, hiding the perfect sunshine that glows just a few hundred feet above. I can walk out of the room, and further chaos awaits me; empty bottles and half filled wine glasses and strewn out pillows in the living room, dirty dishes in the kitchen sink with yawning open cabinets ransacked the night before. I can step into the bathroom and feel further disgusted at opened tubes of toothpaste and shaving cream and get increasingly irritated to see the empty roll of toilet paper. I can look into the mirror and see a reflection that shows dark circles and deep crevices around the eyes and a hard stubble that makes it look rough and weary. I can’t believe that this is really where I am or who I have become. I can then drop everything and crawl back into bed and hope that all this will go away when I wake up again. But I can’t sleep.
 
Or, I can wake up rested and clear eyed, rejuvenated from the aftermath of a long, restful sleep, a pleasantly mellow evening, a sweet dream or just plain old can’t-be-explained euphoric energy. I can gaze at the ceiling from my bed, smiling and wondrous at what is happening all around me without any projections, everything looks inviting. The warm  bed, the clothes draped on the chair, the stacks of filed paper on the office table and the music between my ears announce the advent of a beautiful day ahead. I can look out the window and see the familiar summer breeze flowing into the city, sweeping it in this bubble of bliss, drenching it in perfect sunshine that glows from the morning sun above. I can walk out of the room, and further wonders await me; lush green plants and richly colored pillows in the living room, washed and dried dishes stacked next to the kitchen sink under handsome walnut cabinets freshly polished the day before. I can step into the bathroom and feel further grateful for the colorful southwest tiles and clean surfaces and full roll of toilet paper. I can look into the mirror and see a refelction that shows bright shining eyes and an open, honest face under a soft stubble that makes it look strong and dynamic. I can marvel at the fact that this is really my life. I can then look at myself and say ‘Hi’, get cleaned up, pack a gym bag, pick up the car keys and a bottle of vitamin water and step out the door with a brisk step and fulfill the promise of a glorious new day.