Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Today, The Day.

Getting into a rhythm in life. This day is evaporating before my very eyes.
An old man walks up the hill. He catches his breath at the top of my street. Looks me from the corner of his eyes. And I do the same. What does he see?
Some guy sitting at his dining table, tapping away on his computer. Busy, productive, actively pursuing his interests. How far from the truth is that? You tell me.
Where did he go? Probably directly below my apartment by now. Let it go. It was a moment in time. It passed. That is the key to life. Live each moment like it will never come back. For it never will.

Live each moment like it will never come back.
Hmmm… how would that look like in ‘real’ life for me then?
Carpe Diem, they say. Seize the day. Carpe Momentum is what it really is then. That even as I type this, this very moment, on this particular keystroke, is dying even as it is being born. And unless I consciously grasp it, cherish it, celebrate it, I have died to it. It never happened. I lost a part of my life because I was never there while it was happening.
Where was I? Where are all of us as life happens to us in the moment? In the past, in the future? Living in our minds and our soulless bodies mostly. Fighting reality. Projecting and Reminiscing. Never really being.
Feel the essence of this moment. My breath, my fingers flying on the keyboard, a young girl with a red backpack walking down the street, glass of cranberry juice sitting on the table next to me. My Swatch shining back in my peripheral vision. Amazing jazz riff playing in the background. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about the stereo it is playing on, where is it coming from the whole electric, electronic contraption behind it. Just feel it in every molecule of air that wafts slowly from one room to another until it flows into my ears and through them into my body, diffusing into my blood stream. Until I become the music, just like I become this air, this earth and this sky. Look at the tree swaying drunkenly from side to side right in front of me. Dancing in merriment, the leaves can only be described as gay children screaming out their pleasure to be simply alive and in the joyous way of being. Two humming birds just zipped past my window, one in hot pursuit of the other. They all seem to be crying out “spring is here!” The temperature defies that feeling though. It’s at least 20 degrees colder than spring should be.
Rich gravelly voice oozes out from the room, like warm treacle, seeps into my air ducts. This bitter earth she sings.
What good am I? Heaven only knows.
Don’t analyze. This is the joy of being. Never analyze. Simply live today.
Today you’re young, too soon you’re old. While the voice within me cries. I’m sure someone will answer my call. And then this bitter earth may not be so bitter after all.

What else is there to say then? Can’t say it in any more succinct a manner. So, what next? How does this living in the Now manifest into happiness? Into Joy? Don’t you see? It already is. Your mind vanishes. And there is no past. No future. Just the throbbing presence of Now. And what is there to do in the Now? Nothing. Just be in the Now. The doing simply happens while you’re in it. I’m not really sure what that means. What about imagination then? Creativity? Letting your thoughts soar and run rampant with the richness of dreams and visions and theories and fantasies, building this rich kaleidoscope called Life. Your Life. This boys’ life who has grown up to be a man with quirks and kinks, fears and chinks but all in all a pretty good life. If I don’t think about the past and mold my present into a future, how will I really Live it then? Is living in the Now taking away from my creativity? How can I have both? Do I set apart time to go into time again and then return to the Now when I am not traveling in time? Willfully that is? Perhaps that is the answer.

Do what feels good. Some say, indulge each desire and you shall have lived fully. Live in the moment, get everything that you can from it. Never regret not having desires fulfilled but that does not mean stop having desires. Want it so bad that it hurts. But never feel hurt if you don’t get it. You will have learned so much from the experience of giving everything you’ve got to pursue your happiness. That is the Western philosophy. Achieve everything. For everything is in your grasp. For everything can be yours.

And then there is the Eastern theory. Enjoy each moment for it is in that that you are really living, connected to divinity. If there is a God then he is in this moment of Consciousness. That is the only way to reach him. Knowing that, you will realize that everything is already yours. Always was, always will be. The material forms are simply meant to be placemarks of human evolution. The more highly evolved you are the less the need for these material forms you shall have. Eventually you reach a point where the presence, or lack thereof, of these has absolutely no impact on your state of bliss. And at that moment, they simply become toys that you enjoy but can do without at a moment’s notice. There is no sense of pride or possession or feeling of loss or deprivation in the presence or absence of these objects. And when that happens, you have truly reached a state of voluntary desirelesness. Of course, even after such a state is achieved, you live in this world, live every single moment of life. But now only as a witness. There is nowhere to go anymore. Nothing to prove and nobody to report to. You have found yourself in this world and in every world before and beyond.