Wednesday, January 29, 2003

No Thing

Of humor, then. Where does humor go when spirituality transforms ones lifestyle? He thought about situations that one finds humorous and they mostly involve making fun of people. Their habits, quirks, lifestyles, relationships, interactions, fears, peeves and rants. Human beings are the source of all mirth and comedy intentional or otherwise. And once one starts seeing every human being as not just the outer body, mind and emotional being but also as a spiritually divine soul, then it is hard to really find comedy in their behavior. Because, this witnessing was transforming him beyond the mind. It had officially given him writer’s block.

What of it then? How could he possibly care at this point? Wasn’t this tranquility and peace of mind what everybody yearns for? Could it be that he was simply not prepared to accept enlightenment? Did he feel his tasks in this competitive, get it done, world were not yet complete? He had much more to say, fight for and win! He was Rajasic dammit, he had passion and high energy. He wanted it back, the tantrums, self-righteousness, anger, one-upmaniship. How would he charm the pants off of lovers now that he had no witty, dennis-miller-is-a-cream-puff-compared-to-me banter left for them? He wouldn’t survive a day in Manhattan anymore. Even San Francisco was sometimes too harsh and judgmental for him now.

Perhaps this will pass and soon. Perhaps a balance is indeed required. Hell, that’s why one goes to retreats and meditation sanghas right? Just like going to the gym or the bars. Unleash and unload the particular personality needs and then come home afresh. Work out, get drunk and get meditated but ALWAYS return to one's reality. And what would that be for him? If indeed there was no gym, no bar, no office, no clinic, no charity, no vacation spot, no gadgets to operate in? Not even a sangha or a temple or a retreat? What then? What would his life be like? What could he possibly write about, think about, talk about? What could he feel? If there were no internal or external triggers and stimulants? Would the source of creativity vanish without sight for him, then?