tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41122862011-04-21T16:15:26.691-07:00A blinding flash of blissPersonal Blog filled with stream of consciousness writing on myriad subjects ranging from integral philosophy to transpersonal psychology, personal interpretations of spirituality.
If you'd like to share comments on this stuff, or your own blogs, write me at artchakra@yahoo.comDevennoreply@blogger.comBlogger1091100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1161974313798717662006-10-27T11:38:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.120-08:00Sixth SenseAnd finally – this thing about the origin of thought – of words and ideas and emotions and instincts. Where is that? What is it? Where does it start? And why?There is -- before the beginning of thought – an energy that allows its birth. It is the substratum in which thought emerges from stillness. This thought, though, is buried in my memory bank. So, obviously there is some sort of Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1161909114743846222006-10-26T17:30:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.212-08:00Total RevolutionThis integral approach towards living life is what I see now as the key to total happiness. What is total happiness then? Is it a type of fulfillment that only comes about when one is completely stimulated, internally and externally? Is it the process by which every moment of every day is full and fulfilled because it is being experienced to the maximum? Is that, and then the Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1161133392211039192006-10-17T18:00:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.384-08:00Spirituality and Religion - Journey through Generations“The progress of succeeding generations is described as an evolution of understanding, an evolution toward a higher spirituality and vibration. Each generation incorporates more energy and accumulates more truth and then passes that status on to the people of the next generation who extend it further.”I see this in my own life and lifetime – Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160863779030915072006-10-14T15:04:00.000-07:002006-10-14T15:09:39.040-07:00A Life Less Ordinary“The human race will first experience a period of intense introspection.” “Because when people begin to receive clear intuitions of who they really are and what they’re supposed to be doing, they very often discover they are in the wrong job and they have to do another type of work to continue to grow.” This seems to be my time for intense introspection. For honestly examiningDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160017509821203012006-10-04T20:03:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.520-08:00Shiva Shakti“The mystical energy that we can tap as an inner source is both male and female. The integration process takes some time. If we connect prematurely with a human source for our female or male energy, we block the universal supply.”Are aspects of energy really male or female and if so what does that mean? How did we all, as a collective, agree on some aspects of life and consequently Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1159819693635943552006-10-02T13:05:00.000-07:002006-10-02T13:08:13.663-07:00E.S.P (Ego & Spirit at Play)Two realizations that I had yesterday seemed to have helped me make a shift from resistance into acceptance, from doubt to trust and from ambivalence to direction. But is that really true? Is the shift due to a realization or due to another balance in the game played out between ego and spirit? I don’t know but I really need to first state them and then acknowledge Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160017317745550182006-09-28T20:01:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.604-08:00Late Night Tales“Once you become conscious of the questions active in the moment, you get some kind of intuitive direction of what to do, of where to go.”A combination of jet lag, emotional confusion and general dissonance with the ‘way things were’ led me to fall into a strange spell yesterday afternoon while listening to Air – Late Night Tales (amazing by the way – highly recommended).I saw Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160017174219638742006-09-16T19:57:00.000-07:002007-04-21T11:20:20.823-07:00No Choice“ No matter how afraid you become, you now have no choice. Once you learn what life is about, there is no way to erase the knowledge. If you try to do something else with your life you will always sense that you are missing something.”This fear of losing – losing hope, loved ones, laughter, authenticity, trust and purpose in life – can only be dissolved by losing fear itself. And that Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160017031666582142006-09-11T15:56:00.000-07:002008-11-12T21:45:55.639-08:00MythDoes this make much sense? Am I all here or am I just this shell of form and structure and thoughts? Is this incessant planning, wondering, rambling, plotting, worrying, analyzing, judging, hoping, despairing, doubting, dreaming, fantasizing, scheming, yearning, wanting, challenging, fearing, reminiscing really the only reason for my existence?Can I look beyond this mind driven existence? CanDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1157320069768030052006-09-03T14:46:00.000-07:002006-09-03T17:22:51.626-07:00Of Human Bondage Not the one by S. MaughmI've been writing mostly on my personal blog since I've moved here to London...but this seemed more appropriate over here.Feeling quite strange and discombobulated today. After a good weekend...I suppose I feel more settled here. And then I read the news and check in with my own feelings and all is not well. What follows is a disjointed rambling...I feel Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160016665567490752006-08-26T19:49:00.000-07:002006-10-04T19:51:05.570-07:00Triple Twist of Fate“We humans, although we are unconscious of it, have the tendency to control and dominate others, We want to win the energy that exists between people.”I experience this at work on a daily basis. I’ve just started working for a new client here in London. Not only am I getting used to a the new environment, but also a new boss, a new team, a new internal team from my own firm Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160016485401652942006-08-23T14:45:00.000-07:002006-10-04T19:48:05.403-07:00Moving Energy“Our expectation itself causes our energy to flow out into the world and affect other energy systems.”All around me there is ample evidence of it…I may be blinded to it but I’m never not in it. All the people walking past, running around, milling about, doing, saying, fighting, stressing, all exchanging energy. I consume some and then expend some, I feel re-energized and then Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1155673017067909152006-08-15T13:14:00.000-07:002006-08-15T13:16:57.076-07:00The Vast UnknownThis way of living where I am beyond my thoughts and emotions and body and flowing in and through these limited dimensions of perception and projection, and going beyond, can actually be quite trippy.Because then I am consciousness itself. I let go of trying to understand everything. Through the mind, through thought, through sensory perceptions, through bodily responses and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1160016217771085562006-08-11T19:41:00.000-07:002006-10-04T19:43:37.783-07:00MyHistoryAs far as the watching of history and how we react to it as it unfolds… the timing of certain events in my life currently can only be described as cosmically arranged…So, after a wonderful weekend where I did a Yoga-Tai Chi fusion workshop, had a blast dancing til the wee hours of morning at a wild, fun Punjabi wedding on Treasure Island, went on an intriguing date and worked on my Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1154883488510224612006-08-06T09:57:00.000-07:002006-08-06T10:10:04.090-07:00A year of living What does one do with linear time when one wants to live in the Now? The paradox of using time to get out of time is a tough one to understand. I can only be in the Now, now. Never then, the then being in past or future of linear time. In this moment which will last fleetingly in linear time, but forever in the Now, I have to live all my life. What did they say – the Romans livedDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1154883400430483852006-08-01T00:55:00.000-07:002006-08-06T10:11:00.476-07:00Lucid WakingHere then are the last few things that I need to accept. This notion of lucid waking.The world is a dream and yeah yeah, we’ve all heard that. That at one level this is just a big delusion, the play of Maya on the substratum of consciousness. The weaving of the intricate drama of life in reference to the physical and the tangible, based on thoughts and emotions and the sensory impactsDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153770739988943592006-07-24T12:51:00.000-07:002006-07-24T12:56:37.806-07:00SOFA: Sit on ItThis cannot be comprehended at one level and is so obvious at another. The guilt that I feel for not crawling my way up that corporate ladder is balanced with the peace that I feel from this stress free existence. This worrying thought of not being productive enough is countered by the happy thought of appreciating the simplicity of life. The stress of not getting things when I Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153508388161666602006-07-21T11:57:00.000-07:002006-07-21T12:08:33.363-07:00Personal VelocityThe Fourth Agreement: Always do your bestBy doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time. So what to make of this? This new situation that promises to lift me up from my state of comfort and predictability and throw me into the throes of turmoil once again? When I am placed, yet Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153449750422215622006-07-20T19:37:00.000-07:002006-07-21T12:02:35.036-07:00You get the best of my...The Fourth Agreement: Always do your bestDoing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you are expecting a reward. Most people do exactly the opposite: They only take action when they expect a reward, and they don’t enjoy the action. And that’s the reason why they don’t do their best. So here’s the problem with this. What if you don’t love the Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153374883131869192006-07-19T22:52:00.000-07:002006-07-19T22:54:43.143-07:00Master & SlaveThe Third Agreement: Don't Make AssumptionsWhen you transform your whole dream magic happens in your life since spirit moves freely through you. There is mastery of intent, spirit, love, gratitude and life. This is the path to personal freedom.How does one transform ones whole dream? Does one make choices based on will power and inner strength – that would lead to bright, honest, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153263666626011902006-07-18T15:58:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:01:06.626-07:00Free Fear....Fear FreeThe Second Agreement: Don't take anything personallyIf you live without fear, if you love, then you live in that state of bliss where everything is so wonderful and beautiful. Living without fear. State of bliss. Everything’s wonderful. Everything’s beautiful. Are these simply words that humans use to convince themselves that there is a better way to be human than the Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153263399667117192006-07-15T13:33:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:02:53.186-07:00Movie MakersThe Second Agreement: Don't take anything personally.Don’t take anything personally – otherwise you set yourself to suffer for nothing.When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. I am watching a film. It is playing inside my head. It has action and adventure and high drama and romance andDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153262869510818402006-07-14T17:40:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:03:24.996-07:00SE7ENSloth, Lust, Greed, Gluttony, Pride, Envy, Anger The First Agreement: Be impeccable with your wordWe use the word to spread our personal poison – to express anger, jealousy, envy, and hate.If we become impeccable with our word, any emotional poison will eventually be cleaned from our mind and from our communication in our personal relationships. This negativity that permeated through me allDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153261786348507082006-07-13T22:25:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:03:54.726-07:00Blame the Judge; Judge the BlameThe First Agreement:Be impeccable to your wordWhen you are impeccable to your word you take responsibility for your actions but you do not judge or blame yourself.Self Rejection is a mortal sin. Use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself. The hardest knocks, the deepest wounds, the strongest blows, I reserve for myself. For every action and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153261207410221902006-07-11T15:17:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:04:24.383-07:00WordsWorthThe First Agreement - Be impeccable to your word.What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are will all be manifested through the word.Like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream or your word can destroy everything around you. My word! The spoken and the unspoken one. That which I use to communicate with others externally through conversation and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1153260670782726002006-07-10T15:08:00.000-07:002006-07-18T16:04:51.746-07:00True BelieverThe Four Agreements: Domestication & Dream of the PlanetTruth is everywhere but with the agreements and beliefs we have stored in our mind, we have no eyes for the truth. - The truth of this moment is simple – there is no need to question or struggle with it. It is a gorgeous summer day in the city. I am sitting in a café with large picture windows that show me big blue sky and soft Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1152303957082108572006-07-07T13:25:00.000-07:002006-07-07T13:25:57.096-07:00Was, Not WasAnd so what is not authentic can never really remain. And that is perhaps what happened with the previous post. I was writing perhaps for the sake of convincing myself – that I strongly believe in something - when every action of mine was defying this belief.And then, I deleted it without thinking.Without thinking. This episode that happened today that made me behave so unconsciouslyDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1151942643718097942006-07-03T09:03:00.000-07:002006-07-03T09:11:04.260-07:00Where did you go, What did you do, How did you ‘be'?This feeling of deeper contentment is what I sit with at the end of this period of downtime. I look back in my journal (Feb 22: "Where will you go, what will you do, how will you be?") and read with mixed emotions the excitement and anxiety and wondrousness that I had felt in trying to capture the essence of that moment. That moment which would Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1151859274383868022006-07-01T09:54:00.000-07:002006-07-03T08:38:13.296-07:00The Unbearable LightnessThere is a weightlessness to this moment – like all my baggage is missing or lost or gone. The aches and pains and staleness of the past and the worries and anxieties of the future and the naked heaviness of the present – they are all gone. This weightlessness is funny because it is in relation to nothing that I’ve known in the past. It is as if I am simply a cluster of Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1151540435352701642006-06-28T17:19:00.000-07:002006-06-29T18:20:06.826-07:00The change that I wishThis is it then… these feelings of acceptance and happiness and longing and frustration and all the people and places and things that are the catalysts and reasons and stimulants for them.These sudden mood swings from anxiety to serenity are quite strange. Especially since I am bringing complete awareness into them. At one moment I feel that I need all of this – this want Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150756563560841622006-06-19T15:35:00.000-07:002006-06-19T16:05:28.936-07:00Direct ExperienceWhy is this moment full of such pregnant expectation? Why do I feel that I want to connect and communicate and at the same time be by myself and just be? Why do I feel on one hand that the world is waiting out there for me to express myself and experience it, whereas on another hand I feel that this is the most peaceful “my” time that I need to acknowledge and appreciate?Why do IDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150746377938960972006-06-18T12:43:00.000-07:002006-06-19T12:49:09.196-07:00Dream myself a lifeIs this really happening? Or is this just a dream? Did I just dream myself a life? That I was born, grew up, had experiences, thought thoughts, felt feelings, followed ideologies and devised philosophies? At regular intervals, in this life, I fell asleep. Then, too, I had experiences, thought thoughts, felt feelings and manufactured concepts, but all were in a different Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150746197117108262006-06-15T12:42:00.000-07:002006-06-19T13:32:04.446-07:00The ConThis is so frustrating at a certain level – this waiting to hear back from people – trying to make plans, trusting that people will live up to their words and then be disappointed continually and consistently. Well, there is not much one can do about this except allow them their time and space knowing in my heart that I too have done that to others. Perhaps too many times in the past.And Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150245767900335882006-06-13T17:42:00.000-07:002006-06-15T19:11:44.383-07:00Moving Right AlongIt has to happen – and you know it. You prepare yourself for it mentally – building various scenarios for the possibility of that chance encounter. On the streets, in the bars, in a restaurant, or museum, or a coffee shop. You try to prepare yourself for how it will be, how you will behave and what you will say. You will hope that you are the one who initiates the encounter, or Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150245610461914852006-06-10T17:39:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:43:59.556-07:00Last turn in the roadAnd yet again, I feel these alternative states of satisfaction and hopelessness. I just finished writing an interesting story. Perhaps not groundbreaking but it helped me gather my thoughts about the process that has been unfolding for me in the past few weeks and that which I have allowed to simply take over this time of my life.It was not an easy release – loosening my gripDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150245250128875492006-05-26T17:32:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:44:06.930-07:00Dive InAnd in this moment after a meditation that has transported me to a place that is beyond words and thoughts, I feel that I get what it means to align my self with My Self – the merging of Atman with Brahman. That this process is so simple but so powerful. It’s the path of no resistance to the flow of the universe. Be whatever it is that is being offered to you. This cup of chai that sits inDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1150245144937563462006-05-21T17:31:00.000-07:002006-06-16T23:02:37.493-07:00Qualitatively SpeakingSo strange is this grip on me of this feeling that wants to stick on, suck me into those all too familiar fantasies and delusions. Even when here I am in god’s paradise – this surreal country of Costa Rica – where everything seems to have a magical quality. The constant stream of birds, tittering and chattering and singing in merriment and amusement. The stunningly blue sky Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1147728708906264732006-05-15T14:31:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:44:38.646-07:00“I” am AwareWhy does Awareness ‘desire’ to express itself? Why does it ‘fear’ the mind so much? Or does it really? Is that again just a play of my mind to make me think these thoughts – Awareness and Ego and the game that they play to control it?Is there really such a thing? Awareness that is all pervading and is allowing the mind to forget its reality and respond instead to an Ego driven Id?TakeDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1147728070528245862006-05-12T14:20:00.000-07:002006-06-19T13:35:10.003-07:00The choice is clear?Living as expansive consciousness is, as Jon would say, the ultimate party. Where there is complete freedom to be who you are. Always and everywhere. The realization that You are That and That is all that there is gives one the supreme Self confidence – an ownership of the whole wide world, nay, the complete Universe and any other ‘verse’ and beyond. Along with this ownership Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146780605656844662006-05-04T15:08:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:45:03.863-07:00Simple MindsStill feeling it although it comes and goes. And at those times, feel like at the inner most level – I get it. Really get it. Of course I know that the mind is and will always be the master of delusion. It will always plot and ploy against the emergence of the absolute consciousness. It will try to regain lost territory at every moment, pulling me back into this master delusion, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146694739552967082006-05-03T15:16:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:45:18.096-07:00StunningOkay…what happened? Something major did but I don’t want to make such a big deal of it. One can’t really say shift happened because then it means that it’ll happen again. To another place not necessarily better or worse, but certainly different than what it was then and is now. So, to acknowledge something major happening is also acknowledging that that happening is temporal and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146677438229224292006-05-02T10:29:00.000-07:002006-06-15T15:57:45.490-07:00Same Old New ThingWhat to do about this feeling of sluggishness? That is the predominant feeling for me right now…like it is all there but not really worth pursuing or striving for? My head is heavy and my throat itches. Again. Like this head cold will always persist …staying on the backburner and one day – soon - when I am least prepared for it – pounce on me again.Can I let go of the past and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146246754151052332006-04-28T10:52:00.000-07:002006-06-16T17:32:36.450-07:00Mirror, MirrorThis feeling of sudden, random loss of direction can only be lightened when I see the truth in this situation. That no matter what, I will always have my freedom if I allow myself the license to just be. I wake up with a feeling of pressure and anxiety and I can’t understand why. I think of all the people in my life and wonder why they didn’t want to connect with me at the level Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146184751163347242006-04-27T17:36:00.000-07:002006-06-16T15:23:29.226-07:00Now, ThenHow does one inculcate patience and belief in the process? A day like today …perfect in so many ways… blue skies, green grass, gorgeous emerald green-blue ocean, pink and yellow spring flowers, flowing breeze and flying gulls, golden sunshine and stillness. I soak myself in it completely…let it lift my spirits and make me forget pain – physical and emotional. I watch as the world evolvesDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1146086075576656902006-04-26T14:13:00.000-07:002006-06-15T13:36:00.153-07:00Waiting To UnfoldWhat a year so far. Unending self discovery, frequent self sabotage and non stop, eventful living. If there’s one thing that I can say with full confidence about this life it’s that it is a dynamic, amazing, stimulating and challenging ride to somewhere. Where, is yet to be determined but is that really important? Do I need an answer for every question and wait for the result of Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1145653826149945922006-04-21T14:06:00.000-07:002006-04-21T14:10:26.160-07:00FinallyApril 19thFinally over and do I think there was a reason for it all? To go through so much anguish and pain to get to this place? Did I really need to feel this so strongly and so personally to know the meaning of real yearning? Why did I have to travel to such depths to finally start digging my way out? Was the pain buried so deep within, that the only way to pull away was by digging all Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1145342083755358762006-04-17T23:29:00.000-07:002006-06-15T19:32:54.423-07:00Clarity - IApril 10th The only reason that I am here is because there is nowhere else to be. That is the truth of the matter. This time would’ve simply been consumed by disoriented activity were I not here.Why is this happening to me? What is the process of self evolution that keeps getting tested repeatedly by such behaviour? Do I deliberately want to challenge the darkest forces of the shadowDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1145078804430922412006-04-14T22:24:00.000-07:002006-06-15T00:46:10.846-07:00Spring FeverWhere do you go when your heart sings?How do you feel when this feeling hits youAgain and again in soft, wispy spellsWhich drench you in smiles and shimmering swellsAnd you did'nt even know that it was spring.I’m surprised, is what I am, to be here in this life this way and this late and not know where to go from here. It’s a puzzle that seems to want to solve itself in its own time Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1144284751041888172006-04-05T17:51:00.000-07:002006-04-05T18:01:41.836-07:00ExcerptSweetness of spirit. That was the recommendation made in the lecture that he attended last weekend. Feel that there is no need to assert ones will to be loved, be heard, be wanted. Know that there is every possible facility for loving kindness already existing in this world and you only need the stillness within to tap into it. Why then would you not want to wait and see if this process Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1141068661985465392006-02-27T11:30:00.000-08:002006-02-27T11:31:01.996-08:00Every day and every way...Start this day with an intention. An intention to stay centered and harness energy from this cosmic universe and into your own soul. Let it become an amazing channel for the expression of love and happiness and peace for you. This moment of unrest is solely because of the planting of these karmic seeds in your heart based on the actions from your past. Don’t let this Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1140658596284614122006-02-22T17:36:00.000-08:002006-06-15T00:46:19.973-07:00Where will you go, what will you do, how will you be?How do I capture this? This feeling of suppressed excitement, anticipation and expectation? What is supposed to unfold now? I’ve never experienced a time like this before. This complete ‘down time’. No deliverables, no deadlines, no timelines, no people and project and data and information management, no clients and colleagues, no architects Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1140572522494845012006-02-21T17:39:00.000-08:002006-06-15T19:58:33.200-07:00EclecticThe PriceScattering of personal identity; Confusion of ideology; Lack of support of like minded people; The feeling of not belonging anywhere;Being overwhelmed by diverse, often conflicting interests and ideas; Doubting every action, emotion and thought; Arguing against every point of view; Feeling disconnected from everything.The PrizeIndependence from egotistic identity; Cohesion of Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1139435836634624882006-02-08T13:56:00.000-08:002006-02-08T13:57:16.646-08:00The end of a beginning of the end of a beginningIn fits and starts and then at breakneck speeds careening through sharp corners and over sheer divides, plodding or speeding and going in circles or in a pinstriped straight line, sputtering fumes or cruising smoothly only to shatter into splinters and then ease into fluid motion. That’s been my life for the past couple of years, work stress and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1136929081771542592006-01-10T13:36:00.000-08:002006-06-15T00:46:30.146-07:00Sweet Fantasy, BabyIn my fantasy life I imagine a home, a partner, a child, a dog and community. I have a job that is fulfilling and meaningful and a work environment which is supportive and dynamic. I have friendships that are real and evolving. I have family relationships that are loving, honest and generous. I have a partnership that is deeply fulfilling, stimulating and soulful. I have a Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1136825255560796092006-01-09T08:46:00.000-08:002006-06-15T19:27:07.796-07:00Harmony and DiscordIt’s almost as the New Year has begun a week later for me. Today is the first day this year that I feel this newness, and novelty and beauty hit me. There is a kind of perfection as I let this moment express itself. It arouses my senses, evokes my feelings and stimulates my thoughts. It allows me to sense the harmony in my soul as well as observe the decomposition of it into Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1135532926175672052005-12-25T09:37:00.000-08:002006-06-15T19:47:17.200-07:00ListenStillness and peace amidst chaos and despair.An almost creepy silence until you let it settle,slowly suffusing every being and every moment with magic and light, with spirit so bright.You sit with it. You embrace it. You welcome it.It bathes you in the warm glow of its guiding light.Will it stay with you? Will it flow from this day,into each day in your life? In your world? Into your heart?Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1134078116886105002005-12-08T13:36:00.000-08:002006-06-16T15:35:49.506-07:00JohnIf I could see it as simply as it really is. Every day, every moment, every where.Imagine all the people...living life in peace.You may say Im a dreamer,but Im not the only one,I hope some day you'll join us,And the world will live as one.25 years ... R.I.P.Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1133937370904279342005-12-06T22:34:00.000-08:002006-06-15T21:01:05.340-07:00Closing TimeStarting the final chapter of a year crammed with events and experiences, most which seem to have unfolded in ways beyond my control. A life led with the intention to “go with the flow” somehow only works when one stops wielding control over the smaller aspects of it such as tasks and deliverables and deadlines. On the bigger aspects of life, such as relationships and friendships, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1133056691557341152005-11-26T17:57:00.000-08:002006-06-15T20:57:52.756-07:00Breaking FreeFrom habits and preconceptions and notions and ideas and ideologies and reminiscences and expectations and desires and hopes and anxieties and all the other mind bound limitations that one imprisons oneself in. It has to end sometime – you can chose when though. You can either wait until the very end when there is nothing left to look forward to but the surreal afterlife which is Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1130161386422265532005-10-24T06:39:00.000-07:002006-06-15T20:59:27.523-07:00Conflict from FreedomThis then was his final attempt, he vowed. Never again – it was over. He would move past this seemingly insurmountable issue eventually, easily and without drama.He stood at the doorstep and paused before he rang the bell. He was reasonably confident of his greeting – not really quite sure how this would end but sure enough of the immediate outcome. Was that so wrong, then? Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1124462708501251142005-08-19T07:44:00.000-07:002006-06-16T16:05:43.486-07:00Perfect MomentIt happens when you let it. It happens when you least expect it. It happens when you let go. It happens when you find stillness. It happens when it happens. It is an eternal phenomenon that will always unfold in the most natural way in the most universal way and in the most obvious yet elusive way. It happens when I drop the expectation of anything to happen. It happens when I Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116816929282873922005-06-22T19:54:00.000-07:002005-08-21T17:31:43.370-07:00Excerpt In the summer of that year he was left without any more excuses. His life was being led in a fashion that he could not defend, rationalize, substantiate or glorify. He had succumbed to the drudgery of every day, which, despite occasional outwardly thrills, seemed to more or less meander into a lake of ordinariness. The special ‘thing’ that makes the ‘stuff’ worth pursuing was missing.Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1124670633937132552005-06-20T17:28:00.000-07:002006-02-21T19:05:00.230-08:00Bittersweet SymphonyAnd so begins - the last chapter of this episodic journey – and I can feel there is a different energy in all of this now. I feel that the third act of something real and intense and amazing is about to unfold and climax into a glorious, symphonic eternity. A bittersweet symphony is what this will eventually be narrated as.Why do I feel that in the next coming months this willDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116817073425270912005-05-22T19:56:00.000-07:002005-08-19T09:16:09.333-07:00No Doubt So what does one do when self doubt and anxiety creep in again and again? Did I offend? Was I being presumptious about your business? Was I wrong in leaving abruptly or even in feeling rejected? Find that quietness – strive for it with single minded dedication. It’s the only way dude – everything else is really a half hearted attempt to justify thoughts, emotions and actions of an Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116817005053247132005-05-22T19:55:00.000-07:002005-08-19T07:14:53.970-07:00Still MeHow do I feel about Unity Consciousness at this point? Pretty bleakly I have to say…Nothing really seems to make much sense. There is nobody in the universe that I can really turn towards at this time to make them really understand what is going on with me. I feel bored, stressed, exploited, misunderstood and rejected.What else can I really do or say that will make this any better, easierDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116334165561191562005-05-17T05:48:00.000-07:002006-06-16T18:28:16.943-07:00From here to eternityListen. Can you hear it? Watch. Can you see it? Think. Can you understand it? Feel. Can you sense it? Live. Can you become it?What is happening right now? Why this sudden change which feels so complete and true? Why this ego bound self disappearing into the stillness and expansiveness of prana? Is it really true then? That loss and pain lead to self discovery and can only Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116300509682986462005-05-16T20:26:00.000-07:002005-08-19T08:31:31.373-07:00DichotomyStrange feeling of frustration and peace while I write this. There is confusion and clarity, anxiety and ease, boredom and excitement, stillness and chaos. Why is this happening and in such quick succession lately? What is being positioned to unfold for me in the next few moments or days or weeks and months and years? Where am I being led to or steered away from? Why do I feel that thereDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116300131064419142005-05-16T20:19:00.000-07:002005-08-19T09:07:42.400-07:00May 3rdAnd so it goes and so it goes – it all moves about in circles and there are then days like these where you think what and how could possibly add any excitement to your life? How many cool cities and chic restaurants and hip bars and beautiful people can you hang out with to feel that you are living a fun, rich, exciting life. And what would that feeling bring for you anyway, in the long Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116299846675530572005-05-16T20:15:00.000-07:002006-02-22T17:12:50.666-08:00April 05As far as activity goes --- what can one possibly do to keep oneself fulfilled and occupied everyday of ones life?***Apr 17thNothing changes – everything changes. What can I take from last night? That we are evolving to another level in terms of our friendship. And that it is still hard for me to accept it at just that. How then can I resolve it? The only way out is to stay away from thisDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116299307765219462005-05-16T20:07:00.000-07:002005-05-16T20:08:27.766-07:00February 05Coming HomeSo, end of a chapter of life and I don’t have anything to say for it – no way to categorize, criticize or compartmentalize it. It has been and it is over and here are no threads of connections and relationships that I have that would endure even a few weeks of separation.While I have tried – sometimes quite sincerely – to build a life here, it has proved to be increasingly Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1116299196086680212005-05-16T20:06:00.000-07:002005-05-16T20:06:36.093-07:00January 05Wrapping up 6 months in LondonThis has been such a disaster in some ways and a success in others. What can I really say that I have achieved and experienced in the past few months? Remains to be seen where I will take this on to – is there a learning in all of this – does there really have to be a learning in each experience that one has? Why has this been the single most hard to figureDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1092373266757755722004-08-12T21:59:00.000-07:002004-08-12T22:01:06.756-07:00Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Spirit
I am observing the spell cast on my spirit by my psyche – this is the reality that I have been living for a while. I have felt a vise like tightening in my heart, a cloud of anxiety in every thought that I think, a shadow of insecurity in every feeling that I feel and a loss of Self in every moment that I have spent when trying to live as a witness.
This Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1090638873708995982004-07-23T20:12:00.000-07:002004-07-23T20:14:33.706-07:00Designing Life
Yes, it will be hard, very hard on many levels but I have no choice in this right now. I feel that I want to give myself a break from my heartlessness to my own self. There are some things that are best left to fate and faith and I will need to make that hard choice now. I know you and I know you will not volunteer any personal information, emotional support or display any Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1090075235863038892004-07-17T07:39:00.000-07:002004-07-17T15:59:36.140-07:00Day after Day
Beginning the day with a certain intention in ones heart is the key to shaping of events and experiences in it. I can wake up groggy and bleary eyed, perhaps from the aftermath of a stressful work day, a particularly reckless binge, a dark nightmare or just plain old can’t-be-explained negative energy. I can stare at the ceiling from my bed, sullen and resentful at what is Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1089444680654401552004-07-10T00:30:00.000-07:002004-07-10T00:31:20.653-07:00The Quality of Pain
The feeling of raw nerves, inflamed and exposed, rubbing against each other is the quality of loss and pain. Where one feels so frayed and edgy that every stimulus that does not directly address the situation is only perceived as an irritation. Pain is cold and festering or hot and boiling and everything in between, from dull and numbing to throbbing and all consuming.
ThisDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1089390545302272942004-07-09T09:27:00.000-07:002006-06-19T12:37:43.153-07:00CalmThis process of identification with a thought and building a world of judgment, reaction and projection around it is what is the source of all fear. Fear then is the separation of Me feeling this Thought from the Thought itself. And as a result of my memories, I have emotions and associations with similar thoughts from the past. Remembering how I have felt in the past, I project those Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1085159696366295272004-05-21T10:14:00.000-07:002006-06-16T22:44:10.660-07:00Spin Me Round and AroundImagine a tiny point at the center of a canvas. From this point, taking some drawing instrument, start forming concentric circles one slightly bigger than another. Each circle comes with its unique properties but is always encircling the center. Each circle, as it grows larger, encompasses more of the available space but, in essence, seems to get further and further away Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1080014342409468312004-03-22T19:59:00.000-08:002006-06-19T15:51:30.576-07:00Break PointSo, then, suddenly there was a breakthrough right on the verge of a breakdown. Just when everything looked gray and bleak and dismal with little chance of change without the external influence from someone or something, there seemed to come over me an internal shift that led to a remarkable transformation. Suddenly I was in a place of harmony again – nothing seemed to be not achievableDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1079047062966584302004-03-11T15:17:00.000-08:002004-03-11T15:20:00.310-08:00Happily Earnest; Earnestly Happy
So much is happening in me and around me. I pause to take a breath and I feel that I might miss something. At times I deliberately attempt to waste and while away time for fear that I might get too caught up in this euphoric ‘rush’ on life simply because the rush of life seems euphorically overwhelming. This when there is nothing that is truly significant or Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1073666601420238792004-01-09T08:43:00.000-08:002004-01-09T08:44:48.700-08:00Inspiration
Feeling the need to create a world which integrates my passions and interests together with my skills and talents and can be expressed through the written word. The few things that I am fascinated with in life are spirituality, sexuality, divinity, humanity, creativity, beauty, expressionism, psychology, communication, large-scale architecture, film-appreciation, travel, wine and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1073526903036442602004-01-07T17:55:00.000-08:002004-01-07T17:56:16.856-08:00Pilgrim on the Edge
Waking…thoughts racing through the infiniteness of today…the possibilities that will never be explored, the submission to the predictability of routine activity and productivity defying habits…the reluctance of trying to stay in awareness…. the torrent of thoughts racing through the permutations and combinations of actions to be taken throughout the day:
i. pick up laundry, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1065563788925967662003-10-07T14:56:00.000-07:002003-10-07T14:56:28.353-07:00Who are we? Who we are.
You fantasize about a life of freedom from bondage of the mind and body and spirit. You dream of a day when you don’t have to wake up to an alarm clock and get on that wash cycle of wake dress drive work stress eat sleep and then rinse soap spin and repeat. You imagine a life of carefree productivity, of constructive retirement, where you will be that person who you thinkDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1063330002703147552003-09-11T18:26:00.000-07:002006-06-18T23:20:09.326-07:00Can you hear, can you hear them wonder?The land down under. It's early spring out here. The sun sets in a north western direction instead of going south. Or is it the other way round? I can never tell. People drive on the other right side and seem generally more inclined to slow down, take things easy and not rush about in a frenzy. Adelaide strikes me as a combination of Berkeley Hills and NapaDevennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-1059007855555243912003-07-23T17:50:00.000-07:002004-01-07T23:35:29.920-08:00 I want it all...
Another insight that was had the other day was this:
You cannot experience the self (individuality) and the Self (universality) at the same time.
When one forgets the Self, one gains the capacity to experience sensory objects/emotions/thoughts/desires and hence become the self.
When one gains the Self, one loses the capacity to experience sensory objects/emotions/thoughts/Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-940532972003-05-09T07:33:00.000-07:002006-06-16T22:36:12.690-07:00Somewhere in ParisFeel a different vibe today - like the new surroundings are settling in around me - or likely the other way round. Went to the Buddha Bar last night; Ravin, my favorite deejay from that series was spinning - was pretty awesome. The bar itself, as expected, was intent on creating an elusive eastern mystique, the patrons taking their responsiblity of looking beautiful, exclusive, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-938091682003-05-05T09:57:00.000-07:002006-06-16T22:45:09.506-07:00Silver Rain, London TownTraveling through Europe - not much time to blog these days. Too exhausted to feel much really - funny how one gets sucked into the wondrous delights of a new and/or different world. One starts noticing the small differences, in style, attitudes, looks, demeanor and self-consciousness unique to a city or culture. And this when we're still in the western world. One thing Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-930821572003-04-22T18:27:00.000-07:002006-06-15T16:02:34.103-07:00Ocean of FantasyHow to describe the concept of non duality in a world so steeped in physical, temporal, spatial and causal laws? Where matter, time, space and cause-effect based phenomena are considered to be the final impermeable states that human consciousness can evolve up to? Nothing is really real until I can sense it, feel it, project it into past and future, move in, or build an identity Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-926743202003-04-15T14:28:00.000-07:002006-06-15T16:21:52.613-07:00FakeIt can happen in a moment – one day it all seems wonderful, the world looks glorious, bathed in sunshine and beauty. Nothing seems not in its rightful place. There is hope and freedom in every thought and word and smile. Compassion abounds and despair seems like a cloudy something that happens to other, less conscious beings. The cup, so to speak, is full and frothy.And then it descends, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-915199982003-03-27T18:58:00.000-08:002006-06-15T16:07:05.676-07:00What would Krishna say?The entire foundation of Indian spiritual philosophy is based on the Bhagwad Gita , the quintessential guide to living our lives as perfected human beings, as divine incarnations who have somehow, under the influence of Maya, forgotten that our true nature is Absolute Truth, Absolute Existence and Absolute Bliss. But while caught in this time-space-ego bound spider web we Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-906819052003-03-13T17:55:00.000-08:002006-06-15T20:49:20.520-07:00The CellWhat is freedom? Freedom from this ever present need to strive, seek, want, access, achieve, fulfill and satisfy? How does this need arise? If all is this Universal Consciousness, when did this need for separation and identity and discrimination arise? How did I arrive at the conclusion that I am a single being, separate from others and that I am simply this body and mind? When did I Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-902620102003-03-06T14:03:00.000-08:002003-03-06T17:29:28.000-08:00All Me
Sitting here waiting for a certain time to arrive. Is this a good place to be in? Is this waiting one of impatience or boredom or anxiety? Perhaps, to some extent, although I feel like I am not in my body right now. I feel a certain "sunniness" in my disposition. A lightness, a brightness, like the lively green of my shirt. There is an inexplicable charm about this moment that is hard to Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-893565182003-02-18T21:55:00.000-08:002003-03-27T20:35:58.000-08:00Discovery
If all there is to life is witnessing the present moment, then how do we build a future? Do we stick to a process by which this moment consistently generates the next and the next the next, and so on? In that case, is it really true that the quality of this moment will govern the quality of the following moment and eventually the quality of my whole life? Well, I suppose it is true. Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-893557572003-02-18T21:38:00.000-08:002003-02-18T21:38:20.656-08:00So, despite all the ‘goodness’ how does one make sense of all of this? How is it that I can be a part of it – living life as fully as I possibly can and still feel ‘stuck in it’? Like there is an emotional swamp I can’t seem to escape out of? I find myself wishing for things that will probably never happen and are probably not happening for a good reason. But still, I insist on focusing on them, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-893548072003-02-18T21:19:00.000-08:002003-02-18T21:19:32.416-08:00Perfect Zero
There is this hunger within for perfection – to want to scale the highest peaks and dive into the deepest oceans in the quest for truth. There is this abundance of psychic energy that simply flows from every cell of my being leaving me with no choice but to give in to its force and accept that a mighty and forceful change is about to unfold in my life. A change from which there can Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-890169142003-02-12T21:34:00.000-08:002006-06-19T13:15:50.746-07:00Today, The Day.Getting into a rhythm in life. This day is evaporating before my very eyes.An old man walks up the hill. He catches his breath at the top of my street. Looks me from the corner of his eyes. And I do the same. What does he see?Some guy sitting at his dining table, tapping away on his computer. Busy, productive, actively pursuing his interests. How far from the truth is that? You Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-890154092003-02-12T20:58:00.000-08:002003-02-12T20:58:44.393-08:00Fantasy
My god I have such a sweet high going right now – I am in love with the moon – I want to make love to the moon – it sits and smiles at me, sly grin, knowing wink and twinkle like jack from the jack in the box commercials only much more handsome in a pale, gay, silvery sort of way like a top hat wielding Fred Astaire about to start tap dancing. Such a beautiful vivid imagination you have Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-889552982003-02-11T20:49:00.000-08:002006-06-16T16:19:19.490-07:00Life TimesHe really was stumped. If there is nothing to strive for, if mind’s natural state is restlessness, if human suffering is an inevitable part of life and if unconsciousness was the very nature of the major reality, why strive so hard to transcend it? There was no place to go, and even if there was, no experience that could possibly take one there. The vicious cycle of yearning and Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-889512422003-02-11T19:30:00.000-08:002006-06-16T16:37:14.593-07:00There Where?So then there was another moment in time and this time it was a moment on a plane. This time there was more clarity and perhaps more presence. This time he did not try too hard. He felt he had written and spoken and thought too many words. He had to accept that this process of self-inquiry ultimately reached a place where no amount of grasping with the spoken, said or thought out Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-888969102003-02-10T21:56:00.000-08:002003-02-10T21:56:57.033-08:00Sweet Inspiration: A Cafe
The man sat there and simply watched and allowed the experience to wash over him. There were several sources of stimulation: traffic on the streets, people walking on the sidewalk right in front of him, chatter of patrons inside the coffee shop, violins dancing in some classical piece playing on the stereo, the sight of his own hands as they tapped away on his laptop, Devennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4112286.post-888959582003-02-10T21:33:00.000-08:002006-06-15T14:15:18.473-07:00Let me do my thingThis music this moment this time. This life this beauty this breeze. This tree this place this world. This me this you this simple plan.So, he sat there and began writing. He wrote without memory, without thought without plan or structure. There was no agenda and no anxiety. All that really mattered was that he was recording this moment in time in all its uncrafted beauty. Why Devennoreply@blogger.com